Thoughts on Purpose

In my marriage, I am the partner who has always taken care of our family’s finances and budget - paying the bills, balancing the accounts, monitoring spending and saving, etc. It just made sense - I was the one at home, running the household for many months at a time while my husband deployed with the Navy. Even though I wasn’t bringing the money in, I was the one who spent it most of the time.

My efficiency with this particular chore ebbed and flowed over the years. During specific periods, I would be highly organized with balancing the checkbook (you know, back then, when we kept written records of this stuff:). I paid bills on time (even early) and always had an accurate idea of how much money was in our checking and savings accounts. Finances were easy during those times.

But then suddenly, I would find myself in a more stressful stage of life - maybe my husband was deployed, and two of my daughters had gotten the flu. Or perhaps the mini-van needed new tires, and I wasn’t expecting that particular expense that month. Or maybe our lives had just been uprooted again to move to another duty station across the country.

It was often during one of those periods that I would completely “lose control” of our budget and finances. I’d stop following the systems and procedures that generally kept me on track and kind of fly by the seat of my pants with regards to our money.

Bills would be forgotten or paid late, checks would bounce, the end of the month would come, and I’d have to float a check for groceries at the commissary. (Remember - those were the days before everything was automated and online.) So on top of the stress that I was already experiencing, I was now stressed about money as well.  

But what was truly causing me to feel stressed? Was it the circumstances of what was going on my life - sick kids, unexpected car repairs, a military move?

The common belief would be that it was the “events” that were happening “to” me. However, it wasn’t the conditions that I found myself in that were causing me stress at all- 

It was my thoughts ABOUT my circumstances that were causing me to feel stressed!

Negative Thinking

The truth is that the thoughts I was having about whatever my current situation was, were not serving me in any way.  

You see, I was stuck in a loop of negative thoughts about what was going on in my life. That, in turn, created negative feelings about my situation - like feeling overwhelmed and resentful for having to take care of sick kids without any help from my husband. 

Having a human brain, I didn’t WANT to feel those negative feelings. So I avoided them by not doing other things that were also causing me uncomfortable emotions - like balancing a checkbook that I knew would end up in the red because I hadn’t been keeping track. Or paying the electric bill that was overdue and having to add a late fee to make sure our power wasn’t turned off.  

It would all feel so overwhelming, and the longer I avoided the budget, the bigger the problem got.

My mind probably looked something like this:

I’d have the thought, “I don’t have enough time to sit down and figure out the finances - I have to take care of the girls,” which would make me feel defeated and lead me to put it off for another day.

Or perhaps, I’d think, “I am so irresponsible with my finances,” which would make me feel shame. That emotion, in turn, would prevent me from calling the cable company to see if they’d give us a grace period to avoid a late fee or disconnection.

What’s crazy is that the feelings like defeat and shame that I was experiencing were totally optional. Really. 

Of course, it sure didn’t seem like it at the time, but I had a choice of whether or not I wanted to continue feeling that way about the circumstances I was experiencing at the moment.

The thoughts I was thinking were making me feel miserable and prevented me from taking the necessary steps to fix my situation.  

A Simple Change

But what if I changed just one negative thought? What about if instead of thinking, “I don’t have enough time to sit down and figure out the finances,” I thought, “I can work on balancing the checkbook for at least 15 minutes after I put the girls to bed before one of them will need me again.”  

Do you see how different those two sentiments are? The first thought would cause me to feel frustrated, but the second one could make me feel motivated or even relieved. I guarantee you that purposely thinking that new thought would get me the results of a balanced budget and peace of mind much more quickly.

Or what if I thought, “I’m doing my best, and I know I can get back on track with my budget - I’ve done it before.” That would surely make me feel empowered to start finding solutions to my problem. Don’t you agree?

Purposely choosing thoughts that serve us, and that create feelings that will lead us to take decisive action is the secret sauce to getting the results we want in our lives. Where could you put this into practice in your own life? I challenge you to start taking a hard look at your thoughts and discover where you could be more purposeful about them. I think you just might be pleasantly surprised by the results.